Scene 2 of 'In the Shadow of Ribbons', set Within Thalenra. As his brother's unit investigates the house of a renegade mage, Erian begins a search for the single life he can feel is there.
I enjoyed both of these chapters, although initially found the crossover between them confusing until I got to your note at the bottom.
Between the two I felt that I connected more with Erian and Marnie when in Marnie's POV, I don't know why, I think maybe he seemed kinder from her POV, and I felt Marnie's pain, confusion and fear more from her POV as well.
Now it's a taken that no-one should change their manuscript at all based on a single person's advice. I hope the above is not advice, but just how your writing made me feel. I would solicit more opinions before making any decisions, and those decisions should always be your own!
Next I shall read Meliath's POV when I have a break.
That is very useful feedback, thank you. I like that you get a different feel from both, as I was aiming for something like that. Erian should be picking up on emotions more though, as it's what he does, so I will keep it in mind for future rewrites
I would like to read this when it’s a completed novel.
I enjoyed both of these chapters, although initially found the crossover between them confusing until I got to your note at the bottom.
Between the two I felt that I connected more with Erian and Marnie when in Marnie's POV, I don't know why, I think maybe he seemed kinder from her POV, and I felt Marnie's pain, confusion and fear more from her POV as well.
Now it's a taken that no-one should change their manuscript at all based on a single person's advice. I hope the above is not advice, but just how your writing made me feel. I would solicit more opinions before making any decisions, and those decisions should always be your own!
Next I shall read Meliath's POV when I have a break.
That is very useful feedback, thank you. I like that you get a different feel from both, as I was aiming for something like that. Erian should be picking up on emotions more though, as it's what he does, so I will keep it in mind for future rewrites